Audrey Jolly Therapy

Decision Making as a Couple

Posted Sep 18th, 2018 in Mental Health, Depression, Shame

Decision Making as a Couple

Stan Tatkin at the PACT Institute offers a couples newsletter that I recommend. He is a prominent couples therapist, right up there with Sue Johnson (author of Hold Me Tight) and Terrence Real (author of The New Rules of Marriage) two others I recommend. 

Big decisions—and sometimes small ones—can be doubly difficult when making them as a couple. But they don’t have to be. Making decisions can be easier, with less arguing, says Dr. Stan Tatkin, if partners stay fully present and attentive.

Stay attuned to your partner’s emotions

Pay close attention to your partner’s emotional state while discussing the issue. Ask yourself, “Does my partner appear to be getting too upset, too depressed, or too stressed?” If so…

Drop it
Agree to drop the matter and stop arguing for the time being. Shift your discussion to something more pleasant. Once both of you feel better, you can return to your discussion about the decision to be made.

Strive for a win/win
Be creative as you negotiate. Understand that you and your partner have different histories, perceptions, wants, and needs. This isn’t a problem. It just means that you have to push for a decision that’s inclusive enough to encompass both sides. If one of you is unhappy with a decision or feels left out of the process, the other will surely pay the price. Dr. Tatkin says, “Partnership is like a three-legged race: if one of you goes down, you both go down.”

Here are links to these couples therapists with there particular ways of working with couples....lots of great information here. To make sense of it all and apply it directly to your own relationship so that you experience positive change, contact me and get started.   

Stan Tatkin 

Sue Johnson 

Terrence Real 


Post a Comment